Feminism, Anti-Wedding Industrial Complex-ism

When I rant against all those elements that the Wedding Industrial Complex insists you MUST HAVE to make your wedding PERFECT, I want to be clear that I have absolutely nothing against the Brides who desire those things for their dream wedding.

I narrowly escaped becoming one of those brides (that's a story for another day). . . 

Ugh, even in my word choice when I'm talking about not having anything against brides who buy into the WIC I sound like I'm judging. Saying I "narrowly escaped becoming one of those brides." Snarky snarky snarky. Bad Jen. 

Let's face it--if I cut down on the snarky tone, my writing will not be nearly as entertaining. Let's be upfront about that. Let's all just admit that we enjoy judging other people and we all like to be snarky sometimes. That's why the internet was invented. . .

I will try to keep my focus here on sharing what I've learned and what I'm still learning about the wedding industry and what is really necessary to plan a wedding. 

I'm going to use a metaphor. Get used to it- I love metaphors as much as I love chocolate.

Just because the feminist movement gave (most) women the opportunity to go to college and have careers doesn't mean women shouldn't still have the opportunity, if they so choose, to stay home and focus on being a mom. And not be judged for it. And women who go to work should not be judged for working while their kids are at home with dad, or grandma, or at daycare.

I hope for a Post-WIC era, an era where women (and men) can plan the weddings that are right for them and their families. Without being judged. Without anyone telling them that they CANNOT do that. Or that they MUST do this. 

Monogrammed napkins and the like are fine if that's what will make your day special, but I think the most important trend in the "personalized" or "bespoke" wedding should be a celebration of what matters most to the bride and groom.

I know this varies based on location, but does it really have to cost between one and two hundred dollars PER PERSON to get married? Do you have eliminate everyone but the bride and groom to get married without going broke? 

Is it worth spending tens of thousands of dollars for ONE DAY? Wouldn't that money be better spent on a down payment? Student loans? A new car? A crazy awesome honeymoon?

I can no longer imagine spending $30,000 on a wedding. I used to think that's what it would take to share my wedding day with my giant extended-yet-still-close-enough-that-I-tear-up-at-the-thought-of-not-being-able-to-invite-them family. Fortunately, D and I have paid off our student loans and have the down payment thing already taken care of. We could spend a lot more on the wedding. We could leverage our strong credit on five hours of lavish food, crystal stemware, china, and couture. But why?   Would the minister refuse to sign our marriage certificate if we didn't serve beef, chicken or fish with a seasonal vegetable and some variety of potato? Would our families still consider us to be living in sin if the bridesmaids wore their own individual little black dresses instead of matching frothy pastel frocks?

D and I decided we wanted to do this wedding our way. He was fine with the whole getting married and spending the rest of his life with me, but he wasn't that into the idea of a wedding . . . until I pointed out that this is the best opportunity EVER to throw an AMAZING party. And D is VERY into throwing parties.

So D and I agreed that we would not compromise (much) on the size of our wedding. We still cannot invite all the people we want to invite. The venue that's right for our plans cannot fit more people, and besides that the per person cost really adds up. But I think we've reached a balance of the size and the per person cost. We have to be creative. We're doing many things differently. As much as possible, we're treating this shindig like a party, not a wedding reception. D doesn't want us to do the whole "color scheme" thing. As I said earlier, my bridesmaids are wearing their own little black dresses. I know one is thrilled because she already owns a dress that will be perfect. Another is psyched to go shopping for a new dress. (Will I impose final approval on their selections? Probably. . .I am still a bride after all. . . ) I'm happy because my bridesmaids will be happy with the dress they pick out entirely on their own- and don't just have to pretend to be thrilled about a dress that they will pretend they will be able to wear again. I mean, if you can't find somewhere to wear a classic LBD your problem isn't the dress!

We'll get married and we'll throw a heck of a party for our nearest and dearest.

And how can anyone judge us for that?

And if you want to spend 30, or 40, or even 100 thousand dollars on your wedding, well, that's your decision. And I promise, as long as I'm having fun celebrating, I won't judge!